Drink Water, Drive On!!!!

All through basic, I wanted curb stomp people when I heard them say this. Since being out, it kind of  became my favorite statement. My kids hate me now when I say it, because it is usually when I have them doing some cleaning around the house and they complain about being tired. Or when my son hurts himself somehow, he should know by now that if it's not serious, that's what he's going to hear. Well, here I sit, trying to push through another day at work and I find myself yelling inside my head to DRINK WATER, DRIVE ON!!! It works for the first few steps, then the magic of the water wears off and I'm back to my new, slow pace. I still remember hearing it and feeling that push to go on, I almost long for those days, just to be able to run up a muddy hill with my pack on and my buddy covering my ass.

I've been trying to keep up on my PT (both therapy and training), I fell off the radar for a while and missed 3weeks worth of appointments, I started back today and I can tell. I don't move my left foot at all during the session, but the mirror imagery really screws with it. I could actually feel the pain level increase as I watched my right foot in the mirror, as if it were my left. Checking sensation of sharp vs. dull (eraser end versus writing end), I get about 60% of it right, which gets a little frustrating, but I'm told by the therapist that is normal in the beginning. She has drawn X's, check marks, lines and O's on my foot, in hopes that I might be able to differentiate between them, but again, about 60%. All of these exercises are meant to retrain my brain. They say that it is possible to remap the route the pain signals take and from there, the brain should be able to overcome the cycle and stop sending the pain signals. 

I go to the gym a few times a week., nothing exciting, but I told my PT that I would try to get up to 30 minutes on a recumbent bike, to try to get blood flowing to the foot. She told me to start at 5 and work up, I got to 15 and fell back to 5 within a week. I hope to get some quality time in so I can get my ass back up and not be embarrassed to be seen without a shirt. I was never a meathead, but I had a couple of shirts that I used to like wearing because they showed off that I was in shape, unless they are under a jacket or another shirt, I haven't considered wearing them for over a year. 

I think we have officially tossed the idea of the ketamine infusion, at least getting to a place that specializes in them. I was sent to a pain specialist outside of the VA and his recommendation was to try a compounded ointment of ketamine, gabapentin, lidocaine and ketoprofen. He said there is a local provider at one of our hospitals that has done the infusions before and if all other efforts are exhausted, that might be an option to reconsider. I took his script for the compound back to the VA to have them review it and tomorrow will mark week #4 since the appointment and now I am told the medication has been approved, but it could take another month to get it, as the VA has to have a pharmacy certified prior to compounding the ointment. WTF? The pain doctor said that the pharmacy he goes through charges around $75 for the ointment, whereas the pharmacy the VA wants to go through charges around $400-500 for the same sh!t. Pretty sure that I will bypass their month delay and call the other pharmacy and tell them to hook me up.

After more than a year, I still see people doing their normal routine throughout my day and think, "How do they plan to carry/do that and still walk with their cane?" Then have to snap back to reality and realize they don't need a cane. It's crazy to me, the games the mind can play on a person. I'll be sitting in my car and out of nowhere go to press a clutch pedal that I haven't had since October of 2011.  

I finally hung up my pride and started using a knee scooter to get around at work and out in public. I was only using it in the house after a long day, but I am to the point that I would much rather be able to keep up as I once did and move around in a little less pain. Like I said, I hung my pride, but I'm getting extremely tired of hearing the word 'pity', even if they are joking. I know it looks ridiculous, but it's almost freeing in the way my bike was. Not having to be the one that everyone is waiting on because I walk too slow is at least one less thing to beat myself up for.

So, my daughter wants me to dance with her in the "Relative Dance" at her dance recital this year. Practice starts in the next couple weeks, I wonder how long I'll last before I need to take one of my hydrocodones, which I try to avoid so I actually notice pain relief when I take one. May is going to be an interesting month, then the recital in June might just be laughable, at least for those who watch me.
That's me for now,
In the words of Frankenstein's monster on "Monster Squad" "Be Good"